


Without You

by Closet_Eli



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project, Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: All of Aqours are briefly mentioned, Angst, F/F, Memories, Regret, loss of a loved one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-24
Updated: 2018-06-24
Packaged: 2019-05-28 02:50:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15039050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Closet_Eli/pseuds/Closet_Eli
Summary: “I’ll always love you, no matter what. I know I’m selfish to say this, and I have no right to say it either but please... wait for me. I don’t know when but I don’t think I’ll be too long,”-Update: I went back and fixed some spelling.





	Without You

**Author's Note:**

> Why don't I write some cute KananMari fluff?  
> Wrote this instead.

The sun was slowly setting upon the sky. Bright red rays shone through the parting clouds as the ball of fire in the sky slowly sank into the waiting ocean. Small balls of light could be seen spread against the purple sky above, slowly becoming brighter as the evening sun diminished. A light breeze came as she slowly made her made down the green hill to the old wooden dock below. She pulled the green sweater she bore tighter around her but never wavered in the journey down towards the sea.

 

As her bare feet touched the familiar wooden dock old memories surfaced in her head. Memories of laughter and smiles, memories of growing older and facing problems they never dreamed of having, memories of parting words that years later turned to words of reunion. Memories of healing broken hearts and memories of becoming more than what they left as. This dock she stood on now held visions on the past from when they were three young best friends to the present day adults they’d grown into.

 

She continued walking to the end of the dock and stood, watching as the last of the evening sun was consumed by the ocean and the still ocean reflected back the white balls shining in the sky.

 

A deep sigh escaped her lips as she mustered up the courage to look down at the dock floor.

 

On the last wooden panel were names carved in filling the wood from left to right, from old to new. The progression of writing was apparent, the older ones were much messier and bigger but the newer ones were more precise in the carving and smaller after the years of practice. Even though the penmanship may have changed over the years the carving was always the same: a large K carved next to the letter M, and poorly drawn figures of the two girls they represented below each letter.

 

Tears came to her eyes and quickly fell down onto the old wood. She tried in vain to keep her voice down and draw back the tears, but her efforts held no results. Prying her eyes away from precious memories of them she kneeled down to the next open space on the dock. Producing a small pocket knife from her sweater pocket she tried to steady her hand and carve her letter into the aged oak. The tears never stopped no matter how hard she tried.

 

When finished she stood and backed away from the wooden panel, but she never tore her eyes away from the carved letter. With a shaky hand she reached into her pocket once again and pulled out a written letter. With trembling hands, she placed it under the carving she just made, mumbling into the night air.

 

“I’ll always love you, no matter what. I know I’m selfish to say this, and I have no right to say it either but please... wait for me. I don’t know when but I don’t think I’ll be too long,” she said with a shaky voice and sad smile on her lips, tears still streaming down her cheeks. “I wish I could take everything back everything and start that day over.”

 

She looked to the written letter through watery eyes and heard the words of them play in her head.

 

_ Hey. Sorry It took so long for me to do this, it was just hard ya know?  _

 

_ Anyway I have so much to say I don’t even know where to start, haha. I have more memories of us being together than any of me alone. It’s nice to look back on them but a sadness comes to me when I remember our times, I get reminded that no more will follow. _

 

_ Do you remember when we first carved our names on the dock? It was only a few days after we became friends. We were down here, just the two of us because Dia was helping with her baby sister, and you promised me we’d always be together. I was so shocked. I mean we barely even knew each other then! But I trusted you, you’ve always had this aura or something that made me believe in you. So we made a pact: from that day forward every year on this day we would com here and leave a mark, proving out friendship had lasted and would always last! Over time we never broke that promise but we made it something more. _

 

_ Remember when you confessed to me? That was the second happiest moment of my life. I was so worried when you called and told me to come down to the dock saying you needed to ask me something. I mean, it was three in the morning! But after I sprinted over there you pulled me into a hug and poured your feelings out to me. I remember crying to you and stating my own feelings, bearing to you my heart and soul and everything in between, telling you all my insecurities and faults; but for every imperfection I said you would say how beautiful it was. How everything I said was wrong with myself was what made me me, and you loved everything there was. _

 

_ I think that was the moment I knew I would always love you. Even if a time came when you had had enough of me, the love I held for you would never dwindle or die. And over time I was right, for it did neither. It only grew stronger. _

 

_ You treated me as if I was the most precious thing in the world. You did anything I ever asked(not that I asked much anyway) and were always there when I need you. You were my first everything. First crush, first date, first kiss, first time.  _

 

_ You were my first love, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to love another as I did you.  _

 

_ The happiest moments of my life have always revolved around you. When we met in grade school and you become my first friend, or when we become school idols and formed life long friendships with all the other girls of Aqours. The happiest moment of my life by far, though, was the day you said yes. _

_ Gosh you were so surprised, I don’t think you ever expected me to ask first huh? That's the only thing I ever beat you to. Asking you to marry you was easier than I ever thought. I think it’s just because we belong together. Sure I was nervous at first but when you came home from work to our apartment and I saw your smile, I knew I had nothing to worry about. I knew you would say yes. Remember how mad Dia was? 20 years old and getting  _ married _?! She claimed she saw it coming but we both know how dense she is to love. It took her over two years to even notice You’s feelings for her after all. By the way their married now! Oh and Chika’s got something going on with this girl she met at some bar, she’s a really sweet girl, though a little bit shy, and is studying to be a marine biologist. I think you’d really like her. And get this, Riko started dating a boy! God I thought that girl was gayer than me but it seems she bend two ways after all. Hanamaru and Yoshiko have something going on too but we don’t know if their in a relationship. Ruby tried dating this one guy but it didn’t work out so she’s still single but I think the single life fits her, she seems to be doing great. Everyone is doing well so don’t worry ok?  _

 

_ There’s so much I want to say to you but this paper can’t hold everything hehe. I think the last thing I want to say for now is I miss you. _

 

_ I miss you so much it’s painful. When I wake up with my mind still muddled from sleep and I reach across bed for your warm good morning hug and all that I am met with is air, I break. When I pick up my phone to call and ask what you want for dinner, forgetting you won’t answer, I want to just curl up into a ball and weep. And when I forget myself and say ‘I love you’ into an empty room each day, my heart shatters more because I know there will never be a response again. I miss how every time I get lost you’re right there to guide me back home. I miss how you wake up early everyday just to see my sleeping face and know I’m safe, or the rare days I wake before you and get to do the same. Or how your always up to try any concoction I cook up, no matter how terrifying it looks. I miss how when I’ve had a rough day you can always tell and you’ll pull me away and hold me until I tell you what’s wrong and try to fix everything. _

 

_ But most of all I just miss  _ you _. _

 

_ If I could rewind back to that day I would beg you not to go to work that morning. Would beg you not to drive in the pouring down rain. If I had done that you would still be here with me today. I’m sorry I couldn’t stop you and I hope you forgive me for this. _

 

_ Please wait for me up there. I just want to see you again. _

 

_ -With all the love I have, _

_ M _

 

A sob once again escaped Mari's lips before she looked out onto the ocean. In the distance she could make out two shapes as they jumped out of the water, so close together they almost seemed to be holding hands in the faint light of the stars.

 

Dolphins.

 

Finally a smile came to her lips and a small chuckle made its way through her cries of anguish into the night. Mari looked once more down at the  _ M  _ carved into the dock and the two letters beside it. It would be the first lone letter of many.

 

“I love you, Kanan. I always will.”

**Author's Note:**

> Why can I only seem to write anything with angst??? Ughhhh. Seems I can't do cute and fluffy without a little tears and regret thrown in. As always I'm sorry for any mistakes in spelling or word order.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed reading! Kudos and feedback are always appreciated!


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